I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
