We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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