Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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