I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He felt like a one man threesome
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
