and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
