the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
