I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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