dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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