I just cut my nipple shaving
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
