U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
