I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
