i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
