I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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