My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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