remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
