I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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