I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
