Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
