somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
