hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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