she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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