I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
