I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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