Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
