Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
