Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I need to stop coming to work sober
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
