??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
