Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
