lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Hippo gnu deer
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
