hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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