I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
