You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize