We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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