Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.

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  (513): I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me. http://tfl.nu/k06t
  Replies (47) Good night (9873) Bad night (2187)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.

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  (704): he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen. http://tfl.nu/oi0t
  Replies (26) Good night (9199) Bad night (1298)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.

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  (602): Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest. http://tfl.nu/apc8
  Replies (37) Good night (8988) Bad night (1218)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party

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  (248): yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party http://tfl.nu/f5te
  Replies (7) Good night (3422) Bad night (803)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.

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  (301): I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door. (215): Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go. http://tfl.nu/76is
  Replies (12) Good night (3766) Bad night (1788)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata

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  (719): im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata http://tfl.nu/j3vj
  Replies (8) Good night (3398) Bad night (818)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at

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  (203): You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at http://tfl.nu/66cb
  Replies (5) Good night (2652) Bad night (784)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.

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  (715): I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT. http://tfl.nu/2ujd
  Replies (27) Good night (3443) Bad night (713)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities

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  (206): Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities http://tfl.nu/0iqe
  Replies (11) Good night (3342) Bad night (652)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have a broken liver

  (1-575): View more from New Mexico

  I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.

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  (575): I have a broken liver (1-575): I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us. http://tfl.nu/0hjr
  Replies (2) Good night (1277) Bad night (647)
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  (716): View more from New York

  There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.

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  (716): There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now. http://tfl.nu/bttm
  Replies (4) Good night (510) Bad night (1022)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Priorities

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  (203): We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades (1-203): Priorities http://tfl.nu/v803
  Replies (1) Good night (780) Bad night (260)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Since when do you jog?

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs

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  (440): Since when do you jog? (1-440): Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs http://tfl.nu/45rt
  Replies (1) Good night (1265) Bad night (264)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.

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  (202): Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time. http://tfl.nu/ulsc
  Replies (3) Good night (499) Bad night (924)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.

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  (330): I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup. http://tfl.nu/heko
  Replies (2) Good night (780) Bad night (274)

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