If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks