no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize