If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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