she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
