just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
