things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
