I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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