just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Let's get the cat blown out
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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