My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
