Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
