My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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