I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
