The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
