I hate all girls vehemently.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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