She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
