I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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