in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
