I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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