i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
