conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
