i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
