it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
