How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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