Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
