This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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