You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
