I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize