I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
