Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
