im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize