I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
