Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
