Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i think i just lost a toe
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
