Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
