I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
