No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
