dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You've changed since you got that strap on
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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