thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
