just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
