It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
