3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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